Succubus Blues CHAPTER 18

Around ten the next morning, the phone jolted me protrude of a dream Id been having ab list step up jellyfish and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Rolling all over, I picked it up, discovering in the process that I ached a lot little than I had last night. Immortal healing in action.hullo?Hey, its Seth.Seth Yester daylights events rushed sustain to me. The birthday party. The ice cream. The perfume. I again wondered who hed had to meet later dropping me off at the bookstore.Hi, I gushed, sitting up. How are you?Not bad. Im, uh, over at Emerald City, and I didnt confab you they said its your day off.Yeah, Ill be book binding tomorrow.Okay. So, um, do you compulsion to maybe do something today? Lunch? Or a movie maybe? Unless you acquire other plansNo not precisely I bit my lip, silencing the immediate acceptance that trusted to spring forth.I still had that strange, inexplicable attraction and sense of comfortable familiarity with Seth. I would cause want to hang out wi th him much than, alone I had already tried walking the line of friendship and dating with Roman, only to have that blow up in my flavour. It would be far better never to get started with Seth, despite my longings. Besides, I hadnt forgotten about my angelic bodyguard I didnt dutyfully want him tagging along. lift out to keep Carter indoors as long as possible.But Im sick.Really? Im sorry.Yeah, you hunch forward practiced that kind of run-down hit the haying. It wasnt entirely a lie. I dont really feel up to getting out today.Oh. Okay. Do you need anything? Do you want me to bring you any food maybe?No no, I hastily assured him, banishing images of Seth feeding me chicken soup while I lounged slightly in cute pajamas. Christ. This was going to be harder than I thought. I dont want you to have to keep taking care of me. Thanks, though.I dont mind. I mean, no problem.I should be in tomorrow, if this doesnt get worse so Ill see you then. mayhap we can have coffee. Or rather , Ill have coffee and you can not have coffee.Okay. Id like that. Not having coffee, I mean. Would you mind that is, can I harbor on you later? Call you again?Sure. The phone was safe enough.Okay. If you need anything before thenI know how to reach you.We said our high-pricedbyes and disconnected, and I clambered out of bed to see what mischief Carter had managed this morning. I found the angel sitting on a stool by my kitchen expect, feeding Aubrey sausage with one retrace it while he held some sort of breakfast sandwich in the other. An enormous McDonalds bag sat on the counter near him.I do breakfast, he told me, eyeball on Aubrey.Dont give her that, I chastised. Its bad for her.Cats dont eat kernels of dry food in the wilderness.Aubrey couldnt survive in the wilderness.I scratched her head, but she was more interested in licking the grease off her chops. Opening the bag, I found a variety of sandwiches and hash brown patties.I didnt know what youd want, Carter explained a s I pulled out a Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Biscuit.I bit into it, melting at that scrumptiousness, grateful weight gain and cholesterol were nonevents for me. Hey, wait. Did you actually go to McDonalds?Yup.I swallowed the food. You just left? Just now?Yup.What kind of bodyguard are you? What if the nephilim came back and attacked me?He eyed me and shrugged. You look okay to me.Youre not very good at this.Who was on the phone?Seth.The author?Yeah. Wanted to hang out today. I told him I was sick.Poor guy. Youre breaking his heart.Better that than something else. I finished the sandwich and went for a second one. Aubrey watched me hopefully.So what are we doing today?Nothing. At least, Im not going out, if thats what you mean.You arent going to attract nephilim attention that way. He glanced around my apartment and grimaced when I didnt respond. Its going to be a long day then. I hope you at least have cable.We spent the rest of the morning more or less staying out of each others way. I le t him use my laptop, and he got caught up in surfing eBay. What he could be looking for, I had no idea. As for me, I stayed in my pajamas subsequently all, tossing a robe over them and deeming that good enough. I attempted to call Roman once, knowing Id need to baptismal font him eventually, but I only managed to leave a voice mail fateage.I hung up with a sigh, opting to curl up on the couch with a book Seth had recommended in one of his e-mails.Just as I was starting to think Id recovered from the dense breakfast and needed lunch, Carter suddenly peered over the top of the laptop, like a hound sniffing the wind.I have to go, he told me abruptly, standing up.What? What do you mean? Nephilim signature.I bolted upright from my lounging position. What? Where?Not here.With that, he blinked out of sight.I sat there, looking around uneasily. Whereas earlier Id mat up stifled by his presence, his sudden disappearance became a gaping hole in my environment. I was exposed. Vulnerable. W hen he didnt return in a few minutes, I tried unsuccessfully to pay attention to my book, finally giving up after Id reread the analogous sentence five ages.Still wanting lunch, I called and ordered a pizza, making sure I included enough for Carter. Doing this wasnt the best of ideas on my part since it meant opening the door eventually. When I did, I expected no less than an army of nephilim outside. Instead, I only found a bored-looking pizza guy, demanding $15.07.I munched on the pizza and tried to watch television with little luck. Turning to the laptop, I checked my e-mail and found that Seth had sent me a cockeyed letter, ofttimes more eloquent than our earlier conversation, per usual. It only provided temporary distraction, and I was on the verge of breaking out the paint-by-number kit when Carter blinked back into my living room.What the cavity was that? Where have you been?The angel regarded me with a calm, wry smile. Easy there, havent you ever heard of respecting bou ndaries in a relationship? It was in that book you were so quick to discard. pass over it out. You cant just say nephilim signature and then disappear like that.I can actually. I have to. He found the cold pizza on my counter and bit into a piece. Swallowing, he continued, This nephilims got a real twisted sense of humor. Every once in a while, it likes to unmask f have words us, so to speak. This time it came from West Seattle.You can detect that from this far away?Jerome and I can. We never catch the creep, but we have to check it out anyway. Leads us on a merry chase.The implications seemed obvious to me. So you leave me? What if its a setup? What if it flashes you over there and then zaps back to me while all the attentions away?It cant just zap around. Nephilim dont fall down across like higher immortals do theyre constrained by the same limitations as you, fortunately. This one would have to get in a car and drive back over here, just like everyone else, which would hardly be a speedy process. Youre protected by miles of traffic congestion.Weird.Like we said, theyre unpredictable. They like breaking rules, shaking up the status quo just to see what well do.Weird, I repeated. Does it even know youre there? That its making you drop everything and come?If the nephilims close enough, itd be able to sense the teleporting but nothing else past that. As long as were masked, our identities, strength, and whatever stay hidden. So, if it is lurking, it knows two higher immortals came to check it out, but not much more than that.And it just watches and waits, I concluded. Kind of twisted. Lord, these things are a pain in the ass.Tell me about it. They do not go gently into that good night. I blinked at the poetic reference. Wait thats whats going to happen? Youre going to kill er, destroy it or something?Carter cocked his head toward me curiously. Whatd you think would happen? Ten years and parole?I dont know. I just figured wow. I dont know. Are you into that? The whole smiting thing? I mean, I suppose you guys vanquish evil on a unwavering basis, huh?We smite, as you so cutely term it, when we have to. Demons tend to be more into it than we are. In fact, Nanette even offered to come up and tackle care of this nephilim, he recalled, referring to Portlands archdemoness. But I told Jerome Id help.Wouldnt Jerome want to do it himself?Do you refuse backup when its offered? he asked me, answering my question with a question which, really, was no answer at all. Thinking about it, he laughed softly. Of course, I forget, Georgina rushes in where angels fear to tread.Yeah, yeah, I know how that quote really goes. I stood up and stretched. Well, if the excitements over, I think Ill take a bath.Wow. The harsh lifestyle of a succubus. I wish I had your job.Hey, our sides always recruiting. You might need to be a little prettier to be an incubus, though. And a little more charming.Untrue. Mortal women go for jerks. I see it all the time.Touche.I lef t him and took my bath, afterward finally giving up my pajamas for jeans and a T-shirt. I re dour to the living room, turned on the television, and found The African-Queen just starting. Carter closed the laptop and watched with me. Id always liked Katharine Hepburn but couldnt help marvel at what a dilatory day this was turning out to be. Avoiding going outside wouldnt do me any good in the long term since Id have to drag Carter around with me tomorrow anyway when I went to work. My self-imposed enclosure today only prolonged the inevitable. In light of this, I considered breaking the cabin fever by visual perception if he wanted to go to dinner after the movie. He shot up before I could speak, once more sensing a nephilim signature. in two ways in one day?It happens.Where now?Lynn wood.This guy gets around.But I was speaking to empty air Carter had disappeared. Sighing, I turned back to the movie, feeling a little more at ease after the angels last explanation. The nephilim was i n Lynnwood, trying to be a nuisance to Jerome and Carter. Commuting time was rapidly access, and Lynnwood was no small jump away. No nephilim would beat the angel back. As Carter had pointed out, I was safe for the time being. I had no need to panic.Yet, I nearly jumped out of my skin anyway when I heard the phone ring a few minutes later. Nervously, I picked up the receiver, imagining a nephilim blasting out of it.Hello?Hey. Its me again.Seth. Hi.Hope Im not bothering you. I just wanted to see how you areBetter, I told him sincerely. I liked your e-mail.Did you? Cool.Our normal silence fell. So did you get a lot of writing done today?I did actually. About ten pages. That never sounds like a lot, but A knock sounded at the door, and a chill ran down my spine. Can-can you hang on?Sure.Hesitantly, I prowled toward the door like a cat burglar, as though slow and drawn-out movements would actually do something against an insanely powerful supernatural being. Rea elevateg the door, I c arefully peered out the peephole.Roman.Exhaling with relief, I opened the door, resisting the urge to throw my arms around him. Hi.Are you public lecture to me? asked Seth through the phone.Hi, Roman told me, looking just as uncertain as I snarl. Can I come in? Er, no Im not, I mean, yes you can, and yes I am talking to you now. I stepped aside so Roman could enter. Look Seth, can I, um, call you back? Or maybe Ill just see you tomorrow, okay?Uh, yeah. I guess. Everything okay?Its fine. Thanks for calling.We hung up, and I gave Roman my full attention.Seth Mortensen, famous author?Ive been sick today, I explained, using the same let off Id given Seth. He just wanted to check on me.Terribly considerate of him. Roman put his hands in his pockets and paced.Were just friends.Of course you are. Because you dont date, right?Roman I cut off the onslaught that wanted to rush out, switching to safer territory. Can I get you anything? Soda? Coffee?I cant stay. I was passing through and g ot your message. I just thought Id I dont know what I was thinking. It was stupid.He turned as if to leave, and I frantically reached out, grabbing his arm. Wait. Dont. Please.He turned to face up me, looking down from his lofty height, the normally good-humored face grave today. Fighting my natural reaction at such proximity, I felt up surprised when his expression softened, and he noted, mildly astonished, You really arent feeling well.W-what makes you say that? I had shape-shifted my bruises away as Jerome had suggested and whatever smarting pain I felt was no long-range visible.Gingerly, he reached out and stroked my cheek, fingers becoming bolder. I dont know youre just kind of pale, I guess.I started to point out I wasnt wear makeup and then realized I wanted to appear sick. Probably a cold.He let his hand drop. Is there anything I can do for you? I dont like seeing you like thisLord, how bad did I look? Im fine. I just need rest. Look, about the other night Im sorry, he interrupted. I shouldnt have pushed you I stared, amazed. You didnt do anything. It was me. I was the nutjob. Im the one who couldnt turn to things.No, it was my fault. I knew how you felt about getting serious, and I still kissed you.I did as much kissing as you. That wasnt the problem. Me freaking out was the problem. I was drunk and stupid. I shouldnt have done that to you.Its no problem. Really. Im just glad youre okay. A faint smile glimmered on his handsome features, and I remembered Seth saying I was easy to forgive. Look, since we both feel were at fault, maybe we can make it up to each other. Go out sometime this week and No. The calm certainty in my voice startled both of us.Georgina No. Roman, we arent going out anymore and I dont think we can really pull off friends either. I swallowed. Itd be better if we just make a clean break Georgina, he exclaimed, eyes widening. You cant be serious. You and I I know. I know. But I cant do this. Not now.Youre breaking up with me.Well, we werent ever really going outWhat happened to you? he demanded. What happened to you at some point in your life that made you so terrified of getting close to another person? What makes you run like this? Who get you?Look, its complicated. And it doesnt matter. That past is gone, remember? I just cant do this with you now, okay?Is there someone else? Doug? Or Seth?No Theres no one. I just cant be with you.We went around and around, rephrasing the same points in different ways, our emotions growing and growing. It felt like forever, but really only a few minutes passed as he pressed and I refused. He never turned angry or pushy, but his dismay was clearly apparent, and I felt certain Id predict as soon as he left.Finally, glancing at the time, he ran a hand ruefully through his dark hair, turquoise eyes luminous with regret. I have to go. I want to talk to you more No. I dont think we should. Its better. Ive really liked being with youHe laughed harshly, walking toward the door. Dont say that. Dont carbohydrate coat things.Roman I felt horrible. Anger and grief were written all over his face. Please understand See you around, Georgina. Or maybe not.He had barely slammed the door when tears spilled down my cheeks. Going to my bedroom, I lay down on my bed, ready for a good cry that never came. No more tears issued forth, in spite of my mixed feelings of despair and relief. Part of me wanted to call Roman back right now, make him return to me the other part coolly warned I now had clear reason to cut Seth off as soon as possible before things escalated. swell Lord, why did it seem I was always hurting people I cared about? What was it about me that made me repeat this cycle over and over? Romans devastated face still hovered in my mind, but I took comfort in the fact that he hadnt been traumatized as much as Kyriakos. Not nearly as much.The find of my affair with Ariston had led to condemnation from both our families and an impending divorce coup led with the loss of my dowry. I think I might have been able to handle that scorn, even the hateful looks. What I could not handle was the way Kyriakos had been stripped of all life and caring. I almost wished he would turn angry and lash out at me, but there was nothing like that within him. Nothing at all. I had destroyed him.After several days of separation, I found him sitting on one of the rocky outcroppings overlooking the water. I tried to engage him in conversation a number of times, but he wasnt responding to any of it. He would only stare out at that expanse of blue, face dead and expressionless.I stood by him, my own emotions writhing inside me. I had reveled in being a forbidden object of desire with Ariston, but I also wanted to be one of love with Kyriakos. I couldnt have it both ways apparently.I reached out to wipe the tears from his cheeks, and he slapped my hand away. It was the closest he had ever come to hitting me.Dont, he warned, springiness up. Dont ever tou ch me again. You sicken me.I felt my own tears now, even if his anger meant he was still alive. Please it was a mistake. I dont know what happened.He laughed hollowly, a terrible, mirthless sound. Dont you? You seemed to know perfectly well at the time. So did he.It was a mistake.He turned his back to me and walked over to the edge of the cliff, complete(a) out at the sea. He spread his arms out and tipped his head back, letting the wind blow over him. Gulls cried nearby. Wh-what are you doing?I am flying, he told me. If I keep flying right over this edge, I will be happy again. Or better yet, I wont feel anything at all. I wont think about you anymore. I wont think about your face or your eyes or the way you smile or the way you smell. I wont love you anymore. I wont hurt anymore.I approached him, half-afraid my presence would make him go over. Stop it. Youre scaring me. You dont mean any of this.Dont I?He looked at me, and there was no more anger or cynicism. Only grief. Sorrow. Despair. Depression blacker than a moonless night. It was terrible and frightening. I wanted him to snap at me again, to yell at me. I would have even let him hit me, if only to see some sort of heat in him. There was none of that, though. Only darkness.He gave me a sad, bleak smile. The smile of one already dead.I will never forgive you.PleaseYou were my life, Letha but no more. No more. I have no life now.He walked away, and even as my heart broke, I exhaled in relief to see him moving away from the cliff. I wanted to run after him but gave him his space instead. Sitting down in his spot, I drew my knees up and buried my face in them, half wishing I was dead.Hell come back here, you know, a voice suddenly said behind me. The pull is too strong. And next time, he may go over.I jerked my head up, startled. I hadnt heard anyone approach. I didnt recognize the man who now stood there, odd in a town where everyone knew everyone else. He was slim and well-groomed, dressed in clothes mor e elegant than I usually saw around here.Who are you?They call me Niphon, he said with a small bow. And you are Letha, Marthanes daughter, formerly wife of Kyriakos.I still am his wife.But not for long.I turned my face away. What do you want?I want to help you, Letha. Id like to help you with this mess youve gotten yourself into.No one can help me. Not unless you can undo the past.No. No one can undo the past. I can make people forget it, though.I slowly turned back to him, assessing his bright eyes and dapper manner. Stop joking. Im not in the mood.I assure you, I am most earnest.Staring at him, I suddenly somehow knew he was telling the truth, as impossible as it was to believe. Later I would check into that Niphon was an imp, but at the time, I had only sensed that he had a strange air about him, the whispering of power that promised he really could do what he said.How?His eyes gleamed, not unlike Hughs when he was on the edge of a major deal. To erase the memory of what youve done is no small feat. It carries a price.Can you make me forget too?No. But I can make everyone else forget. Your family, your friends, the town. Him.I dont know I dont think I could go back to them then. Even if they didnt remember, I still would. I couldnt face Kyriakos like that. Unless I hesitated, wondering if it might not be better never to come in contact with them again. Can you make them forget me altogether? Make it like Ive never been born?Niphondrew a sharp, excited breath. Yes, oh yes. But a regard like that a favor like that carries an even higher priceHed explained it to me then, what Id have to give in return to completely blot me from the minds of those Id known. My soul was a given. Id carry it as long as I walked the earth, but it would have a lease on it, so to speak. That was the standard price for any darned deal. But hell wanted more of me my eternal service in the corruption of souls. I would spend the rest of my days seducing men, fulfilling their fantasi es for my own gain and for those whom I served. It was an ironic fate, considering what had brought me to this point.To aid me, Id gain the ability to take any form I chose, as well as the power to enhance my own charm. And of course, Id have eternal life. Immortality and invulnerability. For some, that might have been benefit alone.Youd be good. One of the best. I can sense it within you. Imps had the ability to look into a persons soul and nature. almost people think desire is only in the body, but its here too. He touched my forehead. And you would never die. You would stay young and beautiful forever, until the earth perishes.And after that?He smiled. Thats a long way off, Letha, whereas your husbands life is at stake now.That had been what sold me. The knowledge that I could save Kyriakos and give him a new life, a life free of me where he would have a chance to be happy once more. A life where I could slink away from my sink and maybe even be rightfully punished. My soul wh ich I barely understood anyway seemed a small price. Id agreed to the bargain, outset shaking on it, then putting my mark on paperwork I couldnt read. Niphon left me, and I returned to town. It was eerily simple.When I returned, it was exactly as he had promised. The wish had already been carried out. No one knew me. Passing people people Id known my entire life gave me the glances reserved for strangers. My own sisters walked by me without recognition. I wanted to find Kyriakos, to see if it was the same for him, but I couldnt muster the courage. I didnt want him to see my face, not ever again, even if he didnt recognize it. So I spent the day wandering, trying to accept the fact that I was gone to these people. It was harder than I thought it would be. And sadder.When nightfall came, I retreated again to the outskirts of town. I had nowhere to stay, after all. No family or friends. Instead, I sat in the dark, watching the moon and stars, wondering what I was supposed to do now . The answer came quickly.She rose almost from the ground, at first appearing as nothing more than a shadow, then gradually coalescing into the shape of a woman. The air vibrated with power around her, and suddenly I felt suffocated. I backed up, terror filling every part of me, my lungs unable to take in air. Wind rose from nowhere, whipping my hair and flattening the grass around me.Then, she stood before me, and the night was still again. Lilith. Queen of the Succubi. Lady of the Night. The First Woman.Fear like I had never known swept over me and lust. I had never been attracted to a woman before, but Lilith has that effect on everyone. It is fixed in her being. No one can resist her.She wore a tall, slim shape that night, graceful and lovely. Her skin was the pale white of the aristocracy of that time a white never achieved by those of us who worked outside regularly. Her hair was a ravens wing of black, fall in gleaming waves to her ankles. And her eyes well, let me just say theres a reason the old myths call succubi flame-eyed. Her eyes were beautiful and deadly, promising anything you could ever want or desire if only you would let her help you. I still cant remember what color they were, but I could not look away from them that night.Letha, she crooned, approaching me. The air shimmered around her, and I actually trembled now from my desire. I wanted to run but instead sank to my knees, both from respect and the inability to stand. She came to me and tipped my chin so that I had to look in those eyes again. Sharp, black nails dug painfully into my skin, and it felt wonderful. You will be my own daughter now, spreading disagree and passion for the rest of your days. You will be both punisher and tester, a creature of both dreams and nightmares. Mortals will do anything for you, just for a touch. You will be love and desired until the earth is dust.I whimpered at her proximity, and then she moved closer still, lifting me up so I stood before her. Those glorious lips came to mine, and that kiss shot orgasmic amusement through my body. My cries were lost, smothered in that kiss. I closed my eyes, unable to look at her and unable to break away. I soaked into that ecstasy pulsing over and over in my body. And yet, as I let that bliss consume me, something else happened too.My mortality was being stripped away.It felt like disintegrating, like I had expire ashes in the wind. I wondered if that was how death felt. Like you were nothing. Gone. Then, just as quickly, I was put back together, myself once more. But I could feel the power hot through me now, different from the life that filled humans. My immortality shone like a star in the night, cold and pure. No longer would old age threaten. No longer would sickness haunt me. No longer would my flesh be passionately driven by the knowledge that time was short, that I had to leave my mark on the world. That I had to pass on my blood.I opened my eyes, and the onslaught of pleasure disappeared. So did Lilith. I stood alone in the darkness, quivering with my newfound power. And with that power, I could feel something more an itch in my flesh. An itch that told me my skin could become anything I wanted it to be with only a thought. I was reborn. I was empowered.And I was ravenousWhats wrong?Blinking back tears, I looked up at Carter. He stood in the doorway to my bedroom, pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes, face concerned.Nothing, I muttered, burying my face in my pillow. No nephilim ?No nephilim. An awkward pause followed. Look are you sure youre okay? Because you dont look okay.Im fine. Didnt you hear me?He still wouldnt give up, though. I know were not that close, but if you need to talk Like youd understand, I scoffed, venom in my voice. Youve never had a heart. You dont know what its like, so dont even pretend like you do.Georgina.Go. Away. Please.I turned back toward my pillow, waiting for another protest, but none came. When I dared a peek, the ang el was gone.